Y’all it has been quite the emotional roller coaster the past few weeks, eagerly awaiting to find out if our transfer was successful or not. In case you missed my last update, we were able to do a frozen embryo transfer on December 22nd! Everything went perfectly for the transfer and our doctor couldn’t have been happier.
Over the course of the next few days, I had consistent mild cramping. Normally when it comes to “pregnancy symptoms”, I do my best to try and ignore them because, more often than not, the “symptoms” are merely side effects from the progesterone I’m supplementing. This time, however, I felt like something was a little bit different so, despite being told not to (and despite the little white lie I told a couple girlfriends – sorry ladies!!), I decided to take an at home pregnancy test on December 28th. I could not freaking believe it – it was actually positive!!! I was completely shocked! It was a super faint positive line, though, so I waited until the next day to test again. Once again, the test was positive and I decided that night to surprise Kevin when he got home from work. He was obviously just as excited as I was and we spent the next few days reveling in our little secret from the world. We were going to be parents! FINALLY!
Our first official blood test was on January 3rd, and it confirmed that we were truly pregnant! It was an amazing feeling getting that call from our nurse and doctor! My Human Chorionic Gonadotropin (HCG – aka the pregnancy hormone) was at 113.8 which was a great starting number! Two days later, we did another check – 213.2! Typically, they say your HCG should double every 48-72 hours, so we weren’t quite there, but we were pretty darn close so we were still happy with the number. On Friday, we did it all again – 379.4. This time the rise was even smaller but still not “bad”. We went ahead and scheduled more blood work for Monday, and then our first ultrasound on Wednesday. We knew the ultrasound would be our moment of truth. Monday’s blood work was not what we were hoping for. My HCG only increased to 643.9 when it should have been closer to 800. I was completely devastated. On one hand, I knew there was a small chance that it could have just been a slow rising HCG. On the other, deep in my heart, I knew what was coming and I was completely broken. We had worked so hard and fought so long to finally get a win and yet my world was about to completely collapse in on itself. By Tuesday I was feeling a little more positive, having done some research on slow-rising HCG levels and felt there could have been a chance that I was wrong and was a little more excited for our ultrasound on Wednesday.
Unfortunately, Wednesday came with the news that no expectant parent ever wants to hear. There was nothing visible on the ultrasound (at this stage, they should have been able to see the gestational sac and the fetal pole) and my HCG had gone down to 152.1. Unfortunately, our first-ever pregnancy is ending in a miscarriage. When I sit down and think of it, it all just seems so unfair. It took us 4 years and 9 months to finally get pregnant, just for it to end in a miscarriage. The good news, though (yes, there is good news in all of this), we now know it is physically possible for me to get pregnant!! Had you asked me a month or two ago if I even thought that was possible, I might have told you no. So, this is a huge win even if it doesn’t seem that way!
So where do we go from here?
Well, on Tuesday I go back in for more blood work to see where my HCG levels are at. In order for us to try again, we need two things to happen: 1) my period to start and 2) my HCG levels to return to zero. Judging by how quickly it dropped between Monday and Wednesday of this past week, I’m hopeful that we’re getting close to it being at zero. We also have a WTF appointment with our doctor on Wednesday to discuss what the crap happened (because seriously… what the crap?!) and see what our next steps are. As crazy as it might seem, I’m actually pretty eager to get back on the horse and try again. I think, for me, knowing I can physically get pregnant is a huge motivator. There were a lot of things that didn’t go “right” during our transfer cycle, so for it to have worked as well as it did absolutely shocks me. We just need to keep pushing forward and try again, and hopefully this time, my body will fully cooperate!